Oh well, it’s a cosy winter afternoon, I’m showered and fed and wrapped in a humongous jacket and I think I’m a bit numb because I should be inexpressibly sad but I can’t feel it. This absolute calmness, maybe it’s the hour of the day, or maybe it’s the lull before a storm. Who knows, who could tell.


‘Tis interesting what the heart aches for. All the things that you may not need, but cannot have nevertheless. This is interesting. Does unavailability alone make an object desirable, even though you have no use for it in your life? Does spontaneous availability depreciate value, likewise?

But shouldn’t life have taught us the exact opposite.


The blog is a treacherous space. No one reads it on a regular basis, so your immediate insidious bid for compliment/comfort/just-the-thing-you-want-to-hear-at-the-moment will nearly always go unheeded. But then one day some unknown entity will turn up without your knowledge and read your blog from beginning to end and learn more about you than you ever intended them to know.

And if you try to balance these two possibilities inside your head you (like me) will never be able to write another post at all.