fotu – Page 2 – Mimi Mondal

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I wish I could say this photo is the summary of my year — gazing upwards, awash in light and happy — but the fact is that it is only a fleeting glimpse from December. December will shine like a lone glorious beacon through a year that was largely dreary. Maybe. (Maybe not.)

Often I have no doubt that this would’ve been a much more prolific and generally readable blog if the author had been less paranoid/indifferent about chronicling her life or expressing her thoughts to the world at large. More spontaneous. Maybe more innocent?

The thing is, with each passing year (with each passing month/week/day/hour/minute/second) I lose a little of my expressiveness. Get better at self-control. Suppress my strongest feelings with increasing dexterity. Refine the masochism till it’s a connoisseur’s delight — wins prizes and things. (Honestly, can I even write an uncomplicated sentence like ‘Hey, I won a prize!’ on a blog anymore?)

Hmm. Maybe too much thinking is the crisis. Tricksy topics like what do you truly believe and who do you love and how do you live with people who love you but refuse to want to love you and who do you expect to read this blog anyway. The next time I’ll write a book review.

I drew. =)

080810080810 Miminality13 Comments

Um, yeah, so it kinda sucks. =(

The girl is supposed to be me except that she is nothing like except the heart the heart the heart and the little demon wrapped around. (Which some call the inner self. Mistakenly, of course. There’s no such thing as an inner self: only delusions and inhibition. And cheap tricks like this.)

Larger version here.

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060810290915 Miminality

Not too fond of blue but I think this is a rather likeable photograph.

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040810061013 Miminality2 Comments

I first met Shion in 2005, a few months after he returned from America I think, and in a few days he’s going away again. He had been printing out a bunch of photos to keep with himself, and last afternoon I was surprised to discover I was in any of them at all. From where I stand now 2005-06 seems like a miraculous time, ‘good old days’ as Shion calls them (though I would be more cynical, I would snigger and laugh), back when we thought we were so special and so unbeatable and the world couldn’t have enough of us. But I was surprised, because I could hardly have been what you’d call good friendship material, back in those days. All I remember of myself is a clumsy bundle of intense, unformed naivete and bad attitude – loving hard, fighting hard, dreaming the hardest – the youngest, the foolishest of all and thinking she was the smarter than everyone else. Such days as will never be again. ‘Good old days’, Shion? Maybe. Maybe not.

I don’t know, I don’t know. I miss everything and nothing, I miss nothing. I drift and shed and let it all become someone else’s life. I use the word ‘friend’ with paranoid thrift or else I throw it around casually, and sometimes I let myself forget the difference. I’ve stopped trying to make meaning of anything a long time ago but a blog post is free to write, so I may.

Haha! What else. Look at those little self-important children in the picture.
Um. Yeah, that would be all.

Okaythankyou. Good night sweet ladies, etc. :)